Buttered popcorn poop

If you had told me a year ago that I would have been clapping and praising another human being for pooping, I would have told you it was just about as likely as me becoming a supermodel. And yet, last night at 8:45 I found myself doing just that. Clapping and praising Abigail and coaching her through each push.

At around 5:30 last night, Abby woke up with a very unhappy tummy. Per our discussion with the doctor, we could expect that little Abby would have some trouble with her bowels until they matured at about 3 months but last night was above and beyond. You could see the pain on Abby's face as she writhed and pushed with all her might. Her beautiful face was bright red and she kept coughing from all the pushing. Adam tried to explain to her that if we could, we would get the poop out for her, but unfortunately that is something she would have to do on her own.

Per review of online articles, calls to Grandma's and our own parental intuition, here are the many steps we took in order to help Abby poop:

1. Bicycle motion with her legs. For babies who cannot yet crawl, this is a great way to get the bowels moving. Abby loves it especially because we sing to her whilest we exercise her little chubby legs. I am not convinced that this helps at all but it usually stops the crying.

2. Tummy massage. Much like the bicycle motion - this is designed to get bowels moving. Contrary to the bicycle motion - Abby does not enjoy this at all. (Neither do I if you want honesty) The pressure applied during the massage seems to make Abby more uncomfortable.

3. Warm compress. We put a towel in the dryer and let it get really warm before applying it to Abby's tummy. Yes, it stopped the crying but not due to relief of gas pains. No, I am pretty sure, Abby stopped crying because she was wondering how on earth the hospital let us take her home.

4. Pressure on the tummy. Abby lays on our forearm or thigh strategically so that air is pushed out of her belly while we rub her back. Unfortunately, this position is awkward as I am never sure what to do with Abby's head. She usually tries to suffocate herself by placing her head face down in my hand or my knee (probably to stop the pain of having to poop). She likes to do this, and it is 2nd to the bicycle motion but mommy and daddy are nervous about the suicidal tendancies it creates.

5. Counter-pressure. Holding Abby's feet so that she has something to push against. This can be amplified by actually pushing Abby's legs up to her chest to get her in the "natural poop position". Sometimes this helps, sometimes it hurts.

6. Does she feel hot to you? Taking her temperature rectally usually causes her to get it going. Of course, this only works when we really just want to check her temperature.

7. Bath. Warm water helps them to relax and in turn helps their bowels relax. Unfortunately for us, Abby does not enjoy the bath like most babies. There is no relaxing.

8. Mylicon gas drops. Drops that are supposed to help relieve gas in the tummy but as we have noticed, and as our doctor has told us, it is really just expensive trash.

9. Singing and bouncing. (Note that the methods are getting more desperate). Daddy and I made up many songs about the "mean poop" and how to get it out while mommy bounced Abby on her knee. Abby enjoyed the music very much, however, it did not seem to get the bowels moving. Imagine that. "poopy come out, where is that poopy, poopy come out..." (see the link for additional poems and songs)

10. Last resort. Daddy and Mommy took a cue from every ghost show we have ever seen on TV, and held Abby's hind quarter to our face while screaming "Come towards the light". 10 minutes later, I think it did the trick....

And there we were over 3 hours later, finally in the middle of the bowel movement. After the first squirt (sorry), it is all downhill. At 8:57, there it was. You could see the relief on Abbys face as she realized her pushes were no longer in vain. We knew for sure it was coming when we smelled the famous odor fill the room. Abby's poop smells like buttered popcorn - mixed with poop. (Apparently we are not alone!!!) Mommy begain clapping and cheering and screamed to daddy who was in the kitchen. Of course Daddy joined the chorus and we even called Grandma to update her on the progress.

Never had I been so excited to clean poop out of a diaper, and not because I was glad that the crying was over, but because I was glad that Abby wasn't in pain anymore. Daddy and I stood over her cleaning the poop and watching her smile realizing how nice her tummy felt, and we were happy to be there, doing that.

We must really be parents.