They're Baa-aack!

Wow. It has been forever since I have written. So much has changed...in Abigail, in our lives, in me. But the reason I decided to start writing again is Abigail.

When Abby does something absolutely adorable or bewildering, I tell family and friends. I replay it in my mind and laugh out loud for no reason. I tell myself about how I will relay the story to her when she grows older. But I have realized as time goes on, that those stories are getting lost. Not because they are useless to remember, but because she constantly gives me a new story to tell. It's because of this that I have to start writing again. I want to remember all the idiosyncrasies. I want to remember the joy in the "firsts". I want Abby to look back and see our joy in her "firsts" and know how much fun she had with life (as I am sure she still will be having).

And while we are being honest for the beautiful, perfect, sweet, wonderful future Abigail, I should tell her something. Sometimes I think back about everything I/We have given up to have you. I think about the career I could have had. I think about where I would have been today. How much more money we would have had. How much cleaner the house would be. How many more vacations we would have gone on, movies we would have seen in the theater, romantic dinners we would have had holding hands across the table. How many more times I would have gone out with friends, instead of staying home while you were sick. How we could stay out later than 7:30 at night (your bedtime) or have a whole day planned without worrying about missing your naps. I think about all those things. And then I realize something amazing.

The career I would have had would have meant 60 hour work-weeks with lots of money but no time to spend it. Without you, we would have been in this very same house, but with two empty bedrooms surrounding our own. Without you, I wouldn't stub my toe on your table and chair set, or step on your blocks, or have to clean up your toys every night. I wouldn't have sticky hand prints on my kitchen table, stains on my carpet or pieces of your food absolutely everywhere. I wouldn't have mopped the bathroom floor because you peed on it before I could get you in the tub. I would have seen more sights and places, wasting time before "starting our family". I would have paid more to see horrible movies in the theater rather in my comfy Pj's at home. Without you, I would have spent dinners out having the same conversations while being fairly confident all food and drinks would remain on our plates or in our glasses rather than spending dinners out watching you taste something for the first time, rubbing your tummy and saying "ynummy". Without you, I would have spent nights with friends reminiscing, instead of being there for someone who needed me so desperately. Without you, I wouldn't have learned the power of multi-tasking and taking breaks which coincided with your naps. Without you, life would have been about me, and us (Daddy and I). And how silly that life would have been. It all seems useless now.

So, Abigail, in case you ever wondered if you turned our lives upside-down, I can say unequivocally, yes. You turned our worlds from absolutely useless, to meaningful, powerful and important. You have changed our priorities, taught us to love, taught us to be patient, taught us to be silly.

Thank you. Thank you for taking the thermometer - every single night before bed - and taking the temperature of your toes. Thank you for constantly trying to wear Daddy's shoes everywhere around the house while laughing -every time you do it. Thank you for making me watch ELMO more times than I could stand because I get to watch you love every minute of it. Thank you for being in our lives and for turning them around. Even when we didn't realize they needed to be turned around.


You are the most important thing in our lives and without you, we didn't have life. I can't wait to write about you again. Here's to keeping up with the journal this time.