Neck Maintenance

Before Abigail made her royal entrance, I took a class on baby maintenance. In this class we learned about everything you could possibly dream, except one important thing; neck maintenance.

As you can see in pictures, Abigail has no neck! And as you have also noticed, this is made up for by having multiple chins. In the many creases and crevices of Mount Abigail, there can be found, at any given time, neck cheese. Daddy has coined this disgustingly delightful term for the whitish, greyish, sticky, rotten milk smelling, film that forms all along the crease where her neck should be.

This "film" smells so bad that before I take Abigail out for any social event where people will be holding her, I take care to wash her lack of neck. Of course, I also attempt this during our bathtime. And you are saying "What is the big deal?". Well, in case you did not know, neck cheese is a precious commodity. So precious, that Abigail is extremely protective of it.

The second I try to lift Abigail's second chin flap in order to mine for the cheese, she pushes her head downward and in the process creates an additional 3 chins. These 3 chins come down like a concrete barrier between me and the neck cheese. Abigial's eyes get big and she stares me down as if to say

"Go ahead, I dare you. Try and break through my minions of chins!"


"Not only will I try, but I will conquer and forge every bit of neck cheese out of your caverns and into the trash!"

I make the first attempt and lift chin number 5 up. To my surprise, underneath is another fleshy layer which covers the cheese. Do the folds of skin ever end? I try and lift that flap, but with the weight of the other 5 chins, I just cannot maneuver. No, I will have to resort to the "lift".

This technique is where I lift Abigail up and hold her on her back. My hand does not hold up her neck, but instead, the very top of her head. I see Abigail struggle to keep her chins down, but inevitably, she gets tired and loses control! Yes! Her head falls back just enough and I see it, in all its glory. It is almost too bright and I look away for a second.

There it is. Long strands of neck cheese lining every crease of her soon to be neck. With one fast wipe, I get all the cheese and her neck is clean. Abigail looks defeated but pleasantly surprised that she does not smell like rotting milk anymore. Until next time....

"You just wait until my neck muscles are fully formed! The neck cheese will be mine!"